Nurturing Your Asperger’s Child

by Phyllis Wheeler

You want to find out more about Asperger's Syndrome, which is more and more common these days. You are learning about what doctors are calling the autism spectrum, which ranges from odd-normal on the one hand to seriously impaired, especially socially, on the other. You desperately want to help your child move toward normalcy on the spectrum. Do not give up! It is quite possible that he can. You need to provide him with situations that will give him self-confidence. If you don't, the world will deal him the opposite.

Your child can study music. He may even discover that he is gifted at it, as many autistic people are. He may have perfect pitch, as many autistic people do. Music lessons in childhood can bear fruit for a lifetime. But finding the right teacher can be a challenge. The typical teacher may be wary of an unusual student like yours. But a music therapist wouldn't, or perhaps a family friend or family member. Your student will require special patience and also a reward system for practicing. But you need a reward system anyway to get your child to do chores and homework without whining.

Children with Aspergers need to learn social skills--they don't come naturally. It is your job as a parent to find teachable moments and use them well. These moments may not start arriving until middle school, when the child is becoming more aware of those around him. He may figure out that he is isolated, and may not like it. When this happens, it's your turn to pull him aside and tell him how to replay a particular social situation, this time with a better outcome.

He may be ready for:

* Group sessions with other kids for the purpose of learning social skills. These may be led by a speech therapist, a social worker, or a teacher.

* Working with him yourself. Set aside 15 minutes a day during Homework Time to play conversation games.

* Enrolling him in a school for kids with special needs. Such a school can teach him social skills in a supportive environment. Your child desperately needs coaching. If he is mainstreamed in a regular school, he may be exposed to bullying and may not get the coaching he needs.

Speaking of bullying, this is one of the most damaging situations for your child's feelings of self worth.

Mainstreaming may just be exposing your child to negative interactions, not positive ones. If this is necessary for your situation, see if you can volunteer at the school to be nearby, or get the school to hire a shadow for your child. Then talk to that person and tell him exactly what you want them to do: protect the child from negative interactions with peers. Our culture tolerates bullying and negative teasing, but both of those will be damaging to your child.

* Homeschooling may allow you to protect your child from teasing. You can find out all about it on the Internet.

* A private school for children with special needs may be available for you. Such a school probably tries to control most interactions between students.

To summarize, be sure to do all you can to protect your child's feelings of self-worth.

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